i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Panties = found
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
