i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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