The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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