Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
