I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
