I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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