I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
