So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
