How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did I show you my penis last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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