My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
