Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
