david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
