We got so high we made milksteak
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
