So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
