gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
