He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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