I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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