nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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