okay pat passed out under dana's car
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
