i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
