I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
