hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
