I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
