i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
