Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
