11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
