got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize