guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
