Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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