Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
