I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
