Umm I'm too high to move.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
