Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm always down for nudity.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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