He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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