White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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