I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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