I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
