i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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