Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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