Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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