So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he was CRYING into my vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
