But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just puked most of my soul out..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
