Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
