im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He felt like a one man threesome
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
