I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
