This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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