A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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