i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
