Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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