used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
