At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
