just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
