How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
