I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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