I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
