Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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