and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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