bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
