May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
