whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
