SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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