Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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