So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
tell me about the eggs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
