I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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