Umm I'm too high to move.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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