Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
