i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
